We love having sex. It feels amazing and can help to build a great connection between you and your partner. The problem is that often we rush through it. We don’t mean to, but instead of taking our time we will hurry to the end. We want to feel the sweet release of orgasm… but maybe we need to start having slow sex instead?
Slow sex can be amazing, but trying to stop yourself from forging on ahead is a real challenge. What can you do to make slowing down sex more fun for you and your partner? I have a few suggestions for you below.
1. Give an erotic massage
Most of the time when we go to have sex, it’ll be after work. When you’ve had a tough day at work it can be difficult to unwind. You might feel tense, your muscles could ache, and so enjoying sex to the fullest is the last thing on your mind. You just want to feel the pleasure of an orgasm, and the build up isn’t as important.
So take the time to relax. You could try a slow and sensual massage to help you unwind. Start by treating yourself to a hot bath. Then go into the bedroom and enjoy your massage. Your partner will work hard to put you at ease.
You can then give your partner an erotic massage. Not sure how? My guide to giving the ultimate erotic massage can help. In no time at all you’ll have them totally at ease and turned on at the same time. What could be better?
2. Slow down foreplay
One of the reasons we struggle so much with slowing down sex is that we don’t spend as much time on foreplay as we should. Foreplay should be one of the main parts of sex. It is important for women in particular because it gives our body the chance to warm up for sex. We’ll be wet and ready to fuck, making it much more enjoyable.
The issue is trying to make sure you spend enough time on foreplay to turn your partner on enough. Most of us will skip a lot. We might spend five minutes at most on foreplay, which isn’t enough. If you just kiss your way down your partner’s body and give them oral for a minute, you need to do more.
Something I do when I find myself in the habit of rushing ahead is take my phone into bed with me. No, I won’t be one of those people checking my Twitter while fucking. Instead, I’ll use it to set a timer. Until the time goes off, you and your partner are not allowed to fuck. You can do anything but fuck, and you’ll find that you are both really turned on by the time the bell sounds.
3. Create a sex script
There are certain scenarios in the bedroom where we will take our time. We won’t rush to the main event, and that is usually because we have other things planned. This is particularly common with things like role play, as you and your partner might agree a set of events beforehand to drag things out and give you both the proper time to explore.
If you are struggling to stick with slow sex, creating a sex script can help a lot. Okay, so it might not sound like a great idea at first. You might feel that it removes the spontaneity of sex. However, a sex script could be just what you need. You and your partner will outline exactly what you want to happen. The more things in your script, the longer it will take. This is ideal for extending sex, because you’ll make it last longer, but it will also help you slow things down. You won’t rush through them as much, instead taking your time to enjoy each step of the script.
Finding it difficult to write one? Look at porn. Take the time to sit down with your partner and choose a video you both love. Then copy it. It’ll make it easier to follow along, especially if you watch it at the same time as you fuck!
4. Experiment with edging
There is a very popular technique to help you enjoy slow sex, and that is edging. With edging, you learn where the point of no return is for your orgasm. This is where you cannot stop your orgasm from coming. It is also known as your edge, hence the name.
It is often best to experiment alone to find your edge, as it can take some time. However, once you know where it is, you can then transfer this knowledge into the bedroom for the purposes of sex. The point of finding your edge is so that you can then take a break from stimulation and delay your orgasm.
It gives you the chance you need to stop yourself coming before you and your partner are ready. Sometimes, fast sex is because we can’t control when we come. With edging, you start to gain that little bit of control. So stop sex and start doing something else. You could even use a toy on your partner while you come down from the high, or perhaps take this as a chance to go down on her?
5. Forget about your orgasm
For a lot of people, there is belief that sex ends when the man reaches orgasm. It makes people feel like they are on a timer, and that their partner must have orgasmed before then or they won’t get to at all. This isn’t a good way to view sex, so my advice to you is to just forget about your own orgasm.
If you do orgasm before your partner, that’s fine. We aren’t expecting you to last all night just to make us feel good. Sex doesn’t have to end there. In fact, sex doesn’t just have to be your cock in our vagina. It can be oral, so why not show your partner that you want to make them feel good?
When your partner feels like they are being pushed to orgasm, it can kill the mood. It makes it very difficult to reach orgasm then, so removing that timer is going to lead to more satisfying sex and orgasms. Take your time and enjoy it… because then your partner is much more likely to!
Why slow sex is worth it
Yes, it can be difficult to have slow sex when you really want to just make your partner come for you. However, slowing down sex can be just as satisfying. In some cases it can be even better, simply because the build up to orgasm took longer.
If you want a more intense orgasm, this is the way to do it. Got a few suggestions of your own? You should share them. The comment box below is the perfect place to do it, and it gives you a chance to have your say. Which of the above methods is your favourite?
Since then she has gained a fine reputation with her blogs on sex advice, sexual health and amusing news stories from around the globe. She is also a campaigner for the rights of sex workers from all over the world.
In her spare time, Lara keeps herself active by going running, and is something of a film buff. She also loves to go travelling.
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