Sex always seems like it is simple and easy until you have it. Then, throughout the years, you realise that there is a lot more to it than you thought. There are certain rules you have to obey and things you must take into account each time.
If you want to give yourself a good start, it is worth looking at the 10 Commandments of Sex. I have put together my 10 Commandments below, so take a look and see if you agree.
1. Thou shalt learn what you love
Sex is about sharing pleasure with your partner. However, you can’t expect your partner to know what you want if you are clueless. This means that you should take the time to get to know yourself. Yes, I’m giving you permission to masturbate. Take your time touching yourself and figuring out what turns you on. It will make a difference.
2. Thou shalt be vocal about it
Once you have learned what it is that you like, you also need to be vocal about it. Speak up! Talking about sex with your partner is a lot like talking about your favourite music. You have your opinions and preferences, and if they know this directly from you, then it is going to make their life easier when it comes to bringing you pleasure.
3. Thou shalt learn to listen to your partner
Opening up to your partner is a lot easier said than done. You know what else can be tough? Getting your partner to talk to you. It helps if you show that you won’t judge them. Keep an open mind and make sure they feel free to talk about anything. It’ll make you a great partner if they can tell you anything.
4. Thou shalt seek consent
You’ll likely have heard people wittering on about not knowing what is okay to do any more with their partner. The bottom line is that consent is easy to get, it’s just that people feel awkward asking for it. However, it is one of the most important commandments. Enthusiastic consent is great, but if you don’t get that, there are tons of ways to ask for it. Kate Sloan has been a huge help for me in that regard, so if you are unsure, check out her tips.
5. Thou shalt think of your partner
It happens to us all at the best of times. We can get a little absorbed in our own pleasure in the bedroom. Instead of sharing it, we focus on what we want. While it is good to know what you want when it comes to sex, it helps to concentrate on your partner too. Not only is it a good way to ensure that you are both happy, but it can also help if you have issues with premature ejaculation. Thinking of them is going to distract you from your own problems.
6. Thou shalt not fake orgasms
We already know that there are many reasons why women fake orgasms. However, it isn’t just women who fake it. If you are in the habit of faking an orgasm, try to get out of it. Be honest about what feels good and what doesn’t. Your partner would much rather you were honest with them and told the truth than lie just to make them feel better.
7. Thou shalt learn to let go
People take sex far too seriously. They don’t like talking about it and laughing about it seems like a bad idea. However, you have to learn to laugh during sex. The simple fact of the matter is that things aren’t always going to go to plan. You might make a mistake and mess up, and that’s okay. If you take things to heart when that happens it can completely ruin the mood. If you and your partner can giggle together when things go wrong, you’ll have it made!
8. Thou shalt stop comparing
I am pretty sure that we’ve all had moments where we doubt our sex lives. We sit there and go “am I having enough?” or “how long should we last each time?”. We’ll check the internet to see what is said and if we can compare our sex lives to the rest of the world. Here’s a hint for you: stop it! It doesn’t matter what the sex lives of others is like. All you have to do is concentrate on your own. Stuff what anyone else thinks!
9. Thou shalt stop listening to others
Something else we need to stop doing is listening when others talk about their sex lives. We have a habit of bragging and exaggerating. I know that I’ve done it with friends about relationships in the past! We don’t like admitting our faults, especially not to our friends. So we’ll make things seem so much better. If someone is telling you that they have the most amazing love life or that a certain act is disgusting, take what they say with a pinch of salt and make up your own mind instead.
10. Thou shalt not be afraid
Fear plays a pretty big part of sex. When we meet a new partner, you might panic about not being good enough. If you are eager to try something new, you may be nervous about diving in. You won’t be able to stop yourself being afraid, but you can make a pact to go for it anyway. Feel the fear and run with it. Try new things, and you might just surprise yourself with the amazing things that you discover along the way!
Your 10 commandments of sex
If you think about it, we all have our own 10 Commandments when it comes to sex. Your list might be entirely different from mine. You might have a list of 10 Commandments focusing on one area of sex specifically!
So tell me what your rules to obey are when it comes to sex. Share them in the comments below! I’d love to hear from you.
Since then she has gained a fine reputation with her blogs on sex advice, sexual health and amusing news stories from around the globe. She is also a campaigner for the rights of sex workers from all over the world.
In her spare time, Lara keeps herself active by going running, and is something of a film buff. She also loves to go travelling.
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