The formula to a male happiness is no real mystery other than to women who assume that we’re these three dimensional character with feelings, dreams and ambitions. But they’re stupid – actual spiritual fulfilment is just the cherry on the cake to the real prize that we seek because, in reality, a good portion of male happiness can be boiled down to the following formula:

Ejaculation + woman x frequency = happiness

At least this is how we see things. But empirical research is always the best, and that’s why there has been a whole bounty of studies into the correlation between sex and happiness, both for the individual and couples as a whole. This sort of relationship between sex and happiness certainly isn’t exclusive to men, either; it’s probably just an instantly truer sentiment when applied to the male species, who are widely known to be able to survive without food and water as long as they have their masturbation hand spare.

Of course, there a whole slew of intellectuals out there who will tell you that sex isn’t necessarily a core component in their on-going happiness. For many, happiness is more about their dreams and fulfilling their ambitions. But even then, we’re confronted with the argument of whether regular sex facilitates an easy road to your goals. People who have sex more work harder and are clearer minded – unburdened by the frustrations that accompany long dry spells.

Generally, the abstract notion of happiness is besot by endless attempts to unravel its complex fabrications. The inner workings of the inner mind elude many of us, so we rely on common sense and knowledge of our biological compulsions. Hence the traditional notion: more sex = happiness.

A Rather Interesting Study

Shockingly, however, this might not as straight forward as you’d think. This week Playboy reported a study from the Journal of Economic Behaviour & Organisation, which involved 128 heterosexual married couples who on average had sex about 5-6 times a month. Half were assigned to get busy 100% more often (approximately 12 times a week), whilst the others were instructed to keep to their regular routine.

And what they found surprises us. Firstly, the married couples instructed to double-up on their sex routine only achieved a 40% increase on average. Secondly, according to the study’s researchers, the couples were less happy:

“Surprisingly, however, an increase in sexual frequency did not translate to an increase in happiness. In fact, just the opposite was observed. The couples who increased their sexual frequency were LESS happy than the control group for all three months of the study.”

Whilst the researchers did provide a whole bunch of speculation as to the reason for this, the answer seems pretty simple to us. They felt shit because they failed to have more sex – if you’re unable to find the motivation to have sex with your spouse, that’s probably going to raise some serious questions about your happiness as a couple. A dude’s number one mission in life is essentially to stick his penis into things, and no one wants to fail in that essential goal.

And this is the problem with these types of studies – they’re so focused on couple interactions and not just sex generally with multiple partners. There’s a whole other bunch of psychological rubbish going on behind an actual relationship that gets in the way of what matters – the fantastic biological compulsion for sex, and the consequential smiles on one’s face.

So we’re just not going to bother delving into the philosophical discussions about happiness, and whether it’s psychologically attainable. For us, the answer is simple. Sex = happy.