Lately, more and more people have come to realise that sex isn’t all about the climax. Yes, reaching orgasm can feel amazing and be a great way to end a session, but you can actually have fantastic sex without one.
For some it is essential that their partner comes during sex. It is why some choose to fake it, and over time we think we’ve gotten good at telling the difference between a real and a fake one.
A recent study, however, is making us question all we know. It claims that a shockingly high number of people can’t actually recognise when their partner is having an orgasm! Are we good at spotting orgasms, or are our partners just making it a little more obvious for us?
All about orgasms
We shouldn’t make them the focus of sex, but having orgasms during sex is amazing. It is the complete release of pleasure, and is often a clear sign to your partner that what they are doing feels amazing. Of course, most of us make that clear by telling them “that feels good”.
The problem is that, to some people, they need to get their partner to orgasm. There is this idea that sex doesn’t end until orgasm, which is a pretty shit way to look at it. If your partner doesn’t come but you do, you can always keep pleasuring them.
Putting your partner under pressure to orgasm is also going to end badly. That is the reason a lot of people fake it in bed. They don’t have the confidence to tell their partner that what they are doing isn’t working for them. The easiest way around that is to then fake it. They fake it, sex ends, and everyone seems happy.
Spotting real from fake
If you have spent any time watching porn then you’ll probably feel as though you are pretty good at spotting the fake orgasms. After all, a number of traditional porn videos make you think that a woman even looking at a hard cock makes her moan like she’s about to come.
In reality it is a bigger challenge to see who is faking it and who isn’t. Everyone reacts differently to an orgasm. Some might find that their entire body tenses up with the strength of it, while others might moan a little louder.
I’ll admit that I’ve fake it in the past. No, you shouldn’t fake it, but I did. Even with someone who I could reach orgasm with. They didn’t seem to be able to tell when it was real or fake, which suggests that identifying them might not be as easy as some people would have you believe.
Spotting any orgasms
That’s a hard enough pill to swallow, but then along comes a study from Brigham Young University. The study looks at a number of questions we have about the orgasm, but in particular they focus on our perceptions of them.
They spoke to 1,683 newly-wed straight couples in order to get their findings. 43% of the men surveyed misperceived their partner’s orgasm. In other words, they believed that their partner reached orgasm far more often than they actually did.
When asked how often their partner came during sex, 87% stated that their wives would “almost always” get there between 80% and 100% of the time. When the wives were asked how often they came, only 49% said it was between 80% and 100% of the time. Ouch!
Can we recognise them?
Obviously, the couples involved in this study need to sit down together and talk about what actually happens during sex. A large number of the husbands seem unaware of how often their wives come. It could be that they just can’t spot an orgasm, or that they have trouble telling the real ones from the fake ones.
Do you think that you are good at recognising when your partner has an orgasm? I’ll admit that I tend to listen for noise cues more than anything, but what if your partner is silent? What if there are other signs that you miss?
Can you recognise orgasms when they happen? Let us know what you think, and what the couples in the study can do to improve their chances, by leaving a comment below.
Since then she has gained a fine reputation with her blogs on sex advice, sexual health and amusing news stories from around the globe. She is also a campaigner for the rights of sex workers from all over the world.
In her spare time, Lara keeps herself active by going running, and is something of a film buff. She also loves to go travelling.
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